Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
