I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
