my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
