I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize