i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
