Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
