You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
