I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
