its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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