I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
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