sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
