Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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