were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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