I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
