I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize