Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
