Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
