i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I will pee on everything he values.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He better not be in your backpack
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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