Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
