Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
These tits shall not be calmed
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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