hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
