Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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