u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
