and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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