drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize