The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
