I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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