in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Girls should come with a carfax report
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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