If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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