Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
