So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We don't watch enough power rangers
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
