We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
