Are we in a gay sports bar?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
