I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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