I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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