Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
