TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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