I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
