she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize