He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
