This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
