mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
