i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize