btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
