I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
