How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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