She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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