There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
