There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
