I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
