I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
