I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
