She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
They took my balls.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize