I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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