i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
