I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
