Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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