At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
