Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
PANTIES FOUND
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
