my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
