ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
