and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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