I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
