I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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