i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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