ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
