I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I didn't notice because vodka
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
