Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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